I don't have nice handwriting and I can't afford to hire a calligrapher to address my invitations. A friend suggested computer labels, but my mother says that's too tacky. What do you recommend?

Mailing labels would seem to be a real time, energy and sanity-saver for most brides. But the bridal establishment has frowned on this high-tech technique, basically because it seems a little too impersonal and commonplace for such a special event. (If you check out your stacks of mailing-label-adorned junk mail, you'll see why.)

You could probably still get away with the mailing labels if you?re planning an informal wedding with non-traditional invitations. (You're a prime candidate if your invite says something like We're getting hitched! Please stop by, instead of the honor of your presence is requested...) If you're going the more traditional route, though, handwriting is your best bet.

But you have more options beyond labels, calligraphers and your own handwriting. Enlist the help of your friends, family members and even your bridal party. They'll make quick work of all those invitations.

  Can I Put Registry Information Together With Invitations?

    Tradition has always held and we've always been adamant about this that it's tacky to include any gift information on the invitation. But we're going to start a revolution and say for the first time: Go to town! Registering for gifts is a service for your guests, so we think including registry information with your invitations should be no different than any other services you provide in the envelope, like maps with driving directions to the reception. However, we still maintain that putting any registry information on the actual invite is to be avoided at all costs?that's like saying no one will be admitted without a gift.

If you're ordering full-on, formal engraved invites, spring for little matching cards that say something simple, such as Andrew and Jane have registered at Target and Bloomingdale's.

But if you'd like to be more casual, use photocopied slips of paper instead of cards and put them either in the actual invitations or in save-the-date mailings.

If bucking tradition gives you cold chills, stick with good old fashioned word-of-mouth. Guests can always find out where you?re registered by asking your family and friends whom you've already discreetly told or by looking at the shower invitation (the only place where printing registry info has always been considered okay). And a personal wedding Web site is an ideal place to list your registry info.

Should we send out a wedding newsletter?

Absolutely. A newsletter is a great way to keep guests up-to-date on your wedding details. If you haven't already tucked this information in with your invites, be sure to include directions to the ceremony and reception, wedding-attire suggestions and gift registry locations.

But this is just the tip of the iceberg. If you are planning some cool weekend activities (aside from the main event) like a pre-wedding pool party or a next-day volleyball game, give guests the 411 in your newsletter. You wouldn't want loved ones to miss out on the fun because they didn't know to bring their swimsuit or sportswear.

A newsletter is also a great place to say, This is how we met. Some guests won't know the inside scoop, so write an abridged version of your love story. And, consider adding a few spotlight bios and pictures of special guests (the friend who introduced you to your fiancé, for example, or the guest coming from farthest away).

Once you decide what goes to press, weigh your options for distributing your newsletter to the masses. Depending on your guest count, you might want to opt for a less expensive way than snail mail. Consider e-mailing it, or better yet, creating a Web page for guests to visit. Unlike a printed newsletter, a Web page will allow you to make updates as your big day approaches.

  What Should Be Included in My Wedding Programs? 

These nifty handouts are a great place to really express yourself on your wedding day. Start by giving guests a detailed outline of what will happen during the ceremony. If your ceremony includes readings, prayers, poems, or songs, print the words in your programs so guests can follow along. Also, make a note of the special meanings these poems and readings have for you and your sweetie.

The next must-have for your program is a who's who list. This section is devoted to telling guests about your wedding party, your family and anyone else attending who deserves an honorable mention. Don't be afraid to get a little mushy here and let these special folks know what they mean to you.

Writing your own vows? Include them in the wedding program, too. When you're up there opening your hearts to each other, chances are the folks in the back of the church won't be able to hear what you're saying (unless they're are lip readers, which is doubtful).

Your program is also the perfect place to remember a deceased relative. Consider adding a picture of your loved one to make your tribute even more special. Finally, other ideas for your program might include a brief summary of how you and your fiancé met, how he proposed or a funny story that happened during the course of planning your wedding.

  What about Late RSVPs?

  The RSVP date for our wedding came and went, and we still haven't received responses from 25 of our guests. Should we call them?

Absolutely! You'll need to give your caterer a final guest count about a week before the wedding, and in order to do that, you need to know whether these tardy RSVPers really plan to attend.

If, after the first round of follow-up calls, you still don't receive an answer from those misguided souls, let your parents or fiancé make the second call. Whoever does it can communicate a message to the effect of We're so sorry you won't be able to make the wedding, and we hope to see you soon. Guests who were planning to attend are likely to respond right away (We thought you'd just know we were coming, is a common refrain). The others who are probably feeling bad they've decided not to come and didn't want to tell you will realize they're officially off the list, and off the hook, a bonus for all involved.

Didn't Order Enough Invitations!!

  My fiancé and I realized we left five people off the guest list and we're all out of invitations! Should we call these people, make our own invitations or try to find somewhere that will rush new ones? We have only six weeks until the wedding!

This is exactly why we recommend ordering 25 more invitations than you think you need! If you forget someone, you're safe; if you don't, you have a few extra wedding mementos. But that doesn't help you in your current predicament. With six weeks until the wedding, you probably have just enough time to call the stationery store or mail-order catalog where you got your invites and ask for a rush re-order (at a premium price, naturally).

If you're down to the wire (four weeks until the wedding), buy a few sheets of nice paper from a stationery store and use a simple word processing or design program to create something nice. If it's less than three weeks before your day, the phone is the fastest (and surest) way to get people. Just be ready to do a little apologizing!

When Should I Send out-of-State/Province/Country Invitations?

Most of my family is from out of state, and the six- to-eight week invitation period is not enough time for them to plan a trip. Do I send them invitations early?

This tricky fix begot the famous save-the-date card-a little reminder that people should hold your wedding date. These cards are especially handy for guests traveling a far distance. While you can have cards professionally printed (a nice option if you're sending one to every guest), a hand-written or computer-produced note including flight and local hotel information can be the perfect heads-up.

Where Should Reply's Arrive? (Invitation) 

My mother who's paying for the wedding wants the RSVPs to come to her house, but I want them to come to my apartment. What's the best solution?

While it is customary that the responses go to the address of the hostess, you want in on the fun, too, right? Ask your mother to keep them sealed until the two of you can get together and have a little grand opening party. Or, you might ask to have your mother's address go on the back of the main envelope?signifying that the invitation is formally from her?but have the response cards addressed to you. She may appreciate your thoughtful gesture of sparing her the task of keeping track of everyone's response.

Should My Parents Get an Invitation?

Should we send invitations to our wedding party and parents? It seems a little weird to do that we know they're coming.

Yes, do send them invites. It's the polite thing to do and it'll build more anticipation about the big event. They might even want to save their invitations as keepsakes.

Also on the subject of people who should receive invitations but are often overlooked, be sure you send one out to your officiant. It serves as a reminder of the date and time and lets him know he's welcome to attend the party afterward.

Do I have to send out writtwn invitations for rehersal dinner

 Only if you want to it's generally understood that the rehearsal dinner is a scheduled event for immediate families and the wedding party, held the night before the wedding. And if your rehearsal dinner is a backyard barbecue, engraved invitations would be a touch much. Either pick up the phone and give your invitees the scoop on the soiree or greet the invited guests at their hotels with a schedule of the whens and wheres of the weekend. But if you're having an elegant sit-down dinner, or are inviting 36 guests on top of your wedding party and family, a written invite might be best and be most convenient for you and the guests.

My Guy refuses to Write Thank-You Cards?

My fiancé refuses to write thank-you Cards for the gifts we've gotten so far. How can I get him to do his share of the writing?

We surveyed a group of married and engaged men and found that the most common excuse for their thank-you-note laziness was, "Because my wife writes them much better." (The runner-up: "I have terrible handwriting." To that we say, "Type it out, boys!") Once we established the cause, we were better able to come up with these surefire solutions:

• Share your knowledge. Keep your favorite thank-you notes for him to use as cheat sheets. After he's written a few, he shouldn't need the guides anymore.
• Get conversational. Since everyone loves to get a thank-you that sounds real (not like a form letter), tell him to pretend he's thanking each person in person. The words will come more naturally to him.
• Turn note writing into a game. One brilliant bride recently told us that she and her new husband play the dictation game. She'll compose 10 notes out loud and he writes. Then they switch. She swears it gets them done much faster.

Forgotten Thank-You?

I had all the thank-you notes done three weeks after my wedding. I used a card system to keep track of the notes and double-checked to make sure I didn't miss anybody.

My mother told me that a neighbor of hers asked whether I had received their cash gift because they did not receive a thank-you note. It's eight months later and I feel just horrible. I want to address this problem but do not know how to go about it. Help!

Don't sweat it I'm sure the neighbor will understand that her thank-you note is probably resting in peace in the dead-letter bin at the post office. Stop by or give her a call and explain the situation, and thank her profusely for her kind and generous gift. If you're still feeling guilty, send her another thank-you note.

Thank-You Cards Deadline!?

I heard I have up to a year after the wedding to send out thank-you notes. Is that true?

Unfortunately, it's not. The deadline is your three-month anniversary and it's best to get your thank-you notes out of the way even before then, so you don't have to field phone calls from guests who are concerned that their gifts didn't reach you or got lost in the shuffle.

To make it easier on yourself, try to send thank-you's for any prenuptial presents within a few days of their receipt that way, you only have the gifts you receive on your wedding day and beyond to contend with when you get back from the honeymoon.

Just remember that thank-you note writing doesn't have to be drudgery. Aim to get a few done each day, and make it fun?grab your hubby and a nice pen, a bottle of wine and your favorite CD and enjoy yourself. Your thank-you notes will sound better if you're happy while you're writing them.

Can I Include My Deceased Dad? (Invitation)

My dad died several years ago, but I'd like to include him on the invitation. Is that possible?

You bet! The trick is that the invitation should come from you and your fiancé, not your parents. For example: August Michaels, daughter of Mary Michaels and the late Charles Michaels, and Oliver Oana, son of Mr. and Mrs. Alexander Oana, request the honor of your presence...

Another option is to include mention of a deceased parent on your wedding program. You'll have room to include a poem, a special picture or a small tribute.

How Do I Include My Parents? (Invitation)

Both sets of parents want their names on the invitations. How do you do that?

The people who are hosting the wedding (oftentimes, these are the same folks who are footing the bill) should be at the top of the invitation. If that's both parents, here's what you do:

Mr. and Mrs. Jack Geller
and
Mr. and Mrs. George Bing
request the honor of your presence
at the marriage of their children
Monica Elizabeth
and
Chandler Michael

If the groom's parents are simply honored guests at the event, then their names can go after their son's:

Mr. and Mrs. Jack Geller
request the honor of your presence
at the marriage of their daughter
Monica Elizabeth
to
Chandler Michael Bing
son of Mr. and Mrs. George Bing

If either set of parents is divorced, things get a bit more complicated because you'll need to put each parent on their own line. Or it might be easier for you to include them this way:

Together with their families
Monica Elizabeth Geller
and
Chandler Michael Bing
request the honor of your presence...

You'll get the same idea across, without turning your invitation into a list of names.

Both Parents are divorced Help (Invitation)

Both sets of parents are divorced, remarried and everyone's paying a little. Our invitation looks like an attendance sheet. Help!

Fear not. You don't need to turn your invitation into a Musketeer roll call. Try the following:

Together with their families
Barbara Ann Spector
and
Joseph John Washington
request the honor of your presence  

 Vow Renewal Invitation?

 My husband and I got married at the courthouse five years ago. Now that we have the cash, we want to have the big wedding we never had. How do we put a party like this together?

Go for it! Have the bridesmaids, the big dress, the bouquets, the band and go about arranging those things the same way as you would a first-time wedding. You'll just need to fiddle a little with the wording of the invitations and the vows to make the event a reaffirmation.

For formal invitations, try something along these lines:

Mr. and Mrs. Ray Baron
request the honor of your presence
at the reaffirmation of
their wedding vows
Saturday, the fifth of August
at two o'clock (.etc.)

If your party won't be quite that formal, try something like "request the pleasure of your company as they renew their wedding vows."

As for the vows, say what's on your mind and in your hearts. And the officiant is sure to have some other suggestions for words that will suit your situation.

After-Wedding Reception (Invitation)

We're getting married at our honeymoon spot, but when we come home, we want to throw a reception. How soon after the wedding should we have the party? And how should I word the invitations?

Have the party whenever you?d like: as soon as you get back from the honeymoon, or even three to four months afterward. (Wait longer than a year, however, and the guests may not be as excited to come and celebrate.) If you're throwing a formal party, tuck a wedding announcement inside the envelope along with the invitation. The invite wording goes like this:

Mr. and Mrs.
(your names here)
request the pleasure of your company
at a reception
Sunday, the first of August
time, place, etc.

If you're having a less formal party, you can get more creative with both your wording (?Join us for a celebration of our recent marriage!) and the invitations. Maybe you can even build the invite around a photo of the spot where you said I do.

  Should Dad Out Be Left Out? (Invitation)

I was raised by my mom and stepdad. My real father has never really been a big part of my life, so I put my stepdad's name on the invitation and not my dad's. I didn't even want to invite him, but felt I had to. My father was hurt. Was I wrong?

If you felt like your father hasn't been enough of a dad to rate a mention on your invite, then you were right to omit him. Don't double-think your gut instincts.

It might have been easier on him?and therefore, on you if, before the invitations were sent out, you had sat down with him to tell him how you felt- that your stepfather had played a much more important role in your life. But you weren't wrong. Comfort yourself by knowing that in these complicated situations, there is never one right answer

What Should the Invitation Say If I'm Hosting?

My fiancé and I are paying for the wedding ourselves. So whose name goes where?

For the 80 percent of today's engaged couples that are footing the entire bill, it's best to keep the invitation plain and simple. Try something like:

Tina Maria Smith
and
John Michael Doe
request the honor of your presence
at their marriage
Etc.

  More Than Words (Invitation)

Don't freak over phrasing. Here are the most popular ways to say "We want you at our wedding!"

The wording on your invitation should match its visual style. "Yo. Dude. Let's party." would look incongruous on a tissue-covered card with a floral border. Here are three basic phrasing options, in order of formality. Try using them as a starting point for creating your invitations  

Most formal (bride's parents hosting)
Mr. and Mrs. Robert Jones
request the honor of your presence
at the marriage of their daughter
Laura Anne
to
Mr. John Smith
Saturday, the twentieth of June
Two thousand and two
at one o'clock in the afternoon
St. Patrick Church
4700 Kipling Avenue
(Your RSVP goes on a separate card.)

Formal (bride's and groom's parents hosting)
Valerie and Peter Rossi
and
Jane & Andrew Smith
request the pleasure of your company
at the wedding of their children
Maria and Steven
on Sunday, the fifth of July
Two thousand and two
at two o'clock in the afternoon
St Charles Boromeo Parish
North York, Ontario
(Your Reception goes on a left or right corner)  

(Your RSVP goes on a separate card.)

 

Informal (bride and groom hosting)
Laura Jones and John Smith
invite you to celebrate
their marriage
on Friday, September the 18th
Two thousand and two
at seven o'clock in the evening
2 Miller Lane
Lansing, Michigan
(Your Reception  goes on a left or right corner)  

(Your RSVP goes on a separate card.)

Feel free to dream up non-traditional wording that fits with your vision of your wedding. A medieval-themed wedding might call for old style spelling.